she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
