Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
