walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
