I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found your dick twin last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
