My brain says no but my pants say off.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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