This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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