I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Boobs are out for the taking
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
