Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
