just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
