i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
