just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
