At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
