Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
