At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
