That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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