well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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