you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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