I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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