Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
