I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
