Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
