I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
