Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
