i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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