as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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