Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Fuck appropriateness.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
