did you get engaged???
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
