I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
