yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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