you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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