It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
