My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he thought i was a dude.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
