TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
