Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
