i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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