i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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