You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
