So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
