I am midnight drunk by noon
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
