I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
