Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
only you would photoshop your dick
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
