I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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