Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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