oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
