I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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