hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
