hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
