dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
