he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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