I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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