i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
