me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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