You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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