Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
