My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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