love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
