its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
