apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
