i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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