All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
