when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
