shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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